Adoptees' Attachment Issues & God's Redeeming Love & Restoration

 

As a psychology student back in my college days, I learned that early successful attachment and bonding in an infant's life sets in motion the emotional groundwork for security, safety, and the ability to regulate ones emotions even when the mother figure is not present. The ongoing and repetitive cycle of the baby having a need and the mother or caregiver lovingly and attentively attending to that need results in the baby's growing ability to learn TRUST.  If needs are not met in a timely fashion, the baby may feel unheard, unworthy and may learn that verbalizing their need through crying does not get results. So if there are way too many of these cycles where the baby expresses a need and feels ignored or not comforted and not acknowledged, or put off for long periods- the infant's emotions can shut down and they may learn to mistrust others. ( Deep down inside there may be a sadness that turns to anger that can then move into depression ) The infant may stop expressing their needs and either represses them ( they get buried ) or is hoping and still expecting that others might mind read. ( faulty thinking ) They may tend to learn helplessness and develop a victims mentality. Some may become very clingy or overly dependent on others in their lives, or they may go to the other extreme- they may push others away emotionally- distance themselves as a kind of protective stance, so as to not get hurt again. They may become fiercely independent trusting only themselves. This also may lead to their being controlling in relationships and always insistent on their own way    ( The sad reality of this relational pattern is that love is then walled out as well as healthy intimacy )  As adoptees, those orphaned or fostered some of us may have been negatively impacted by these early circumstances beyond our control. And some of us may have had more difficult beginnings or prolonged times of neglect or faulty attachment and bonding. Because of this we may carry these tendencies and mindsets into our adult lives and relationships which may hurt others and ourselves. May we have the courage to address these issues, acknowledge them, and yield them to God for His redeeming work.

Prayer:
Lord Jesus, Our Redeemer, Awaken us today to the realities that may be present in our lives, that we may not have been aware of or possibly denied. We were so young and vulnerable as infants and what happened to us was truly beyond our control. We are grateful to know that you do not judge us and instead have compassion for us. Gently open our eyes to the truth and help us to come out of denial so that we may grieve the past losses and recognize your love and grace to bring us to healing and wholeness. May we encourage one another in community as we heal and grow and change to reflect your loving image. We know that we can trust you fully and can invest our love in you- knowing that you always respond, listen and care. As we spend more time  in your sweet presence-drawing close to you as we receive your love, may we grow more and more healthy emotionally. As we securely attach to you- we can heal and grow healthier relationships with others.  Gentle Shepherd, guide us in our healing journeys and restore us we pray. Lead us beside still waters and paths of righteousness for our ultimate good and your glory, Amen.  ( Copyright Jody Moreen 2014- Permission needed to reprint in any media format- online or print ) jodymoreen ( use the @ sign)gmail.com

Adoptees, Beautiful Graftings of the Lord to Display His Splendor, A Devotion by Jody Moreen

Monday Meditation & Devotion by Jody

"To comfort all who mourn,

³  and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
    instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
    instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
    a planting of the Lord

    for the display of his splendor.              

Isaiah 61: 2b-3 ( NIV )

   As adoptees there is a point in our lives when we awaken and begin to process what it means to have been adopted. We come to realize that though we were blessed to become a part of a new family we experienced being uprooted from our biological family tree of origin. There was a severing when our birth parents relinquished their rights to parent us. We were the branch cut off, separated from the parent tree. Ouch! That hurts! And surely a wound was created. Then through adoption we were grafted into a new family tree where we were replanted and allowed to grow.

   Horticulturalists say that a good grafting involves a successful union at the juncture of where the grafted branch is joined to the new parent tree. The parent tree must be bound and securely attached to the young shoot which will draw nutrients from the foreign root system. The goal in grafting is to take two living plants and join them so that the whole grows as one yet each part retains its own identity.

   Some of us were fortunate to be grafted into a nurturing and loving adoptive family. Others were replanted into families that may have been unprepared or unequipped emotionally to tend to our deepest needs. But regardless of whether we were raised in a nurturing family or not, many of us need encouragement and permission to tend to our original relinquishment wound and the loss it represented. It was always there, though buried deep within and often invisible to others, and sadly, even to some of us. This hidden wound needed to be recognized and validated. A safe place and safe people were needed to assist us in the process of grieving our early losses in order that healing could begin. For some of us that never happened.

But praise be to God our heavenly Father who truly understands the needs of His adopted children. He who has been with us from the beginning, from the womb and every step along the way. He embraces us as we grieve our original relinquishment and He reparents us and helps us heal from the emotional wounds that harbor our growth and ability to be fruitful. We draw "new life" and nourishment from being rooted and grounded in Him.

May we allow our God, the Master Gardener to touch us and shape us with his gardening tools so that we may become the beautiful tree He created us to be. Our original grafting scar will barely be visible in the shade of our strong healthy branches. Then we"will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:3 NIV

Heavenly Father,

Thank you for loving me and allowing adoption to touch my life. I praise you for giving me the gift of life through my birth parents and providing a family through my adoptive parents. Though relinquishment may have left its mark of pain and loss on my heart, I know you long for my wholeness. Touch my life with your gardening tools that I might experience your healing grace and become stronger and fruitful for you. Through your grafting I pray that my branches might reach out in praise and give glory and honor to your holy name, Amen.

Copyright, Jody Moreen 2014. Permission is needed to reprint or repost this devotion in any printed media in print or online. 

Contact Jody at:  jodymoreen( the @ sign ) gmail.com

Adoptee's Prayer for the Lifelong Journey

Heavenly Father,

As a new day is dawning I ask that you would go before me and light the pathway I should follow. As I have traveled this lifelong adoptee journey my well worn shoes have climbed many hills and valleys along the way. Navigating the roads of my birth and adoptive heritage has been exhilarating and confusing at the same time. I've encountered winding pathways, scenic side roads, lonesome highways, unexpected detours and even road blocks. With each step I have taken you have been with me even though I was not always fully aware of you. Your illuminating presence has lighted the road before me. Your shepherd's staff has guided me to safety and even terrain. Your strong arms have protected and sheltered me in every storm. Your quiet voice has calmed my heart, quieted my fears and dried my tears. At so many crossroads you have lovingly provided kindred spirits, fellow travelers to encourage me, to laugh and cry with me, and to cover me in prayer. As I have strived to merge the roads of my dual heritage you have reminded me that you alone have been my first Father, my perfect parent who has been with me everyday from the very beginning. You have lovingly watched over me from my conception, in the womb, at my birth, at my relinquishment, at my adoption and each and everyday forevermore. I praise you Father for your faithfulness and compassion to me on my daily journey. As I travel onward on this path lead and guide me until my identity finds complete peace and a resting place in you. Then my heart will overflow with gratitude and praise as I stand in awe and comprehend your amazing love. May I then rejoice and forever live to reflect your image and likeness and grace more and more each day. In your precious name I pray, Amen. 


( Copyright 2013 Jody Moreen- This prayer may not be copied or reprinted or used in any media form without permission of the author. Contact jodymoreen at gmail.com )